


I believe

by uncreativerabbit



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reunion, Spoilers, post-episode: 64
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-18 02:10:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3552116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uncreativerabbit/pseuds/uncreativerabbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After hearing Cecil try to assure the world that 'everything is fine' in his last radio show, Carlos vows that he cannot keep his secret any more. He phones Cecil up to deliver the heart-breaking news.</p>
<p>Spoilers for episode 64: 'We must give praise.'</p>
<p>Inspired by the lovely song 'I believe' by Josh Groban.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I believe

“You’re crying. I’ve never heard you cry before.”

Cecil’s statement cut through him like a serrated blade. He hadn’t realised himself that he was crying yet but in reality, he had burst into tears before the phone call had even started. It was a phone call Carlos had never wanted to make but after finally tuning in to the sixty-forth show Cecil had put on since his arrival into his life, he couldn’t hide the unutterable truth from his boyfriend any more.

He watched, he watched Cecil curled up on the sofa clutching his blanket around him tighter and in his head he hoped that it was because Cecil imagined it to be his arms. Carlos was in the lighthouse of unexplained portraits that let him gaze on his significant other’s life and Night Vale from time to time. Whenever he wasn’t pre-occupied with other things and the masked army didn’t request his appearance, he spent his time there.

Carlos felt rude for intruding into Cecil’s life at that very moment especially as he could not see him in the desert. It was a picture, not a two-way portal or a video camera. At present, Carlos was thankful and was also unwilling to switch their phone call into a facetime chat or any other form of video conversation. He had also refrained from sending a snapchat since he had heard the show, five days ago for him but it was probably the future for Cecil. Time was never a thing that worked out but he was used to this as it was the very thing he came to Night Vale to investigate.

These were thoughts crossing his mind at the present time, oh so many thoughts and wishes and wonders and wants and curses at why this phone call was a thing, why this topic had to be discussed and why it had to be a phone and not Cecil’s actual entire being here in front of him. Cecil was waiting patiently at the other end of the phone, him used to Carlos’ often zoning out with a mind that ran – well, sent various signals – at a mile a second but after a minute or so of silence, he prodded his boyfriend with his voice.

“Carlos, are you okay?” He cooed softly and Carlos hated himself even more for ever opening that damned old oak door.

“I just, I need to talk to you. I, I, I-I” was his stammered response as another wave of tears gushed over his cheeks.

Carlos stammered at the best of times when he was formulating sentences about topics he didn’t really know how to navigate and the only time he tended to speak clearly was when he was gushing over something scientific or about Cecil to anyone who was not Cecil, but that was his own badly-kept secret. He could give Cecil a run for his money in that respect.

Cecil understood and respected this and all that Carlos could hear was soft shushing sounds and words of positivity like ‘calm down’ and ‘take as long as you want’ and the worst one; ‘it’s okay.’ Behind the comforting was just a small hint of worry though as if he knew that this was a phone call that was going to affect him most likely for as long as he thought about Carlos. He took a breath and decided not to sugar coat the blow, not that he knew how to sugar coat because he was quite frankly terrible with anything that wasn’t scientific jargon.

“I’m not coming back.” He supressed a sniffle.

A gasp was heard on the other side and then a moment of painful silence as if Cecil had covered the receiver with his hand before his voice was back, lower this time and Carlos could detect a potion of blinding fury and absolute despair in the other’s tone as he voiced a, in Carlos’ opinion, totally barbaric accusation.

“Is there someone else? Who is it?” The voice was dangerous and Carlos had to pick everything he was about to express carefully so the bullet would only cause red paint as opposed to blood. Then again, not that it mattered because he would never see Cecil again. He would like to at least keep Cecil as a friend and hear about his latest romantic tryst, probably with Earl Harlan as he bit back jealousy and continued to work with the masked army. This thought overflowed into his words.

“Really, Cecil, really? I’m hear with nothing but sand and a gigantic masked army. I’d be crushed in an embrace for starters even if I did fall for one of them, both scientifically speaking and just plain common sense says it would be a god awful idea, and they all have someone. Besides, like I said earlier, they’re nice people but the only person I want to have an emotional relationship with is you.” Anger coiled in his mind and body and he continued ranting at Cecil, who had visibly shrunk into the sofa according to the strange paintings.

“Anyway, like you can say anything at all, the obvious flirting between you and Earl makes me sick to my stomach! You’d accuse me with having it off with a ten-foot plus giant when actually that just makes it convenient so you could enjoy your time with Earl. I don’t even think you miss me.” Carlos snarled and then continued, ignoring Cecil’s obvious flinch at the last words.

“I think you’ll be glad to know that I can’t come back. There is no door that I can find, no magical portal back to Night Vale. I feigned a disinterest because I hoped I could find a door and surprise you. When I realised that I couldn’t come back, I didn’t know what to do so I lied. I’m ending it now so enjoy your blossoming relationship and don’t hesitate to put me out of your mind.” 

The words burned as he said them and Carlos regretted every single one. He didn’t want to know the answer to any of his questions, the suggested affair, whether Cecil wanted to break up or if he could ever return to Night Vale. He would have hung up the phone there and then if Cecil had not shifted in his seat and leaned forward as if to say something.

“How could you ever say something like that?”

Cecil blasted apart his wild accusations within seconds with his deep, deeper than usual voice and Carlos watched him sit back. There was no flowery way to describe what Carlos was doing, he was breaking down. Simple as that. He didn’t care that Cecil was listening, he just sat back against the hard metal banisters and wailed.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I can’t, I-“ Carlos gasped and clutched onto the phone with both hands. The tears blurred his view of the painting and he could no longer see what his boyfriend was doing now but if he had to hazard a guess, was that he was crying too.

“Don’t, Carlos, you’ll set me off, please.” Cecil pleaded but it was too late. He missed his boyfriend and the date made it so, so much worse.

After they both silently comforted each other, tears turning into embarrassed apologies, quiet sniffs and awkward chuckling, Cecil finally cleared his throat and spoke up. He wanted to make one of the most devastating pieces of news he had heard in his life bearable for both himself and Carlos. He was surprised that he was holding it together better than his usually emotionless boyfriend.

“You know, Carlos, your timing is impeccable. Today of all days.” He joked warily, accompanying it with an out of place laugh.

“What?” Was Carlos surprised response. Cecil was stunned. He had no idea.

“It’s our anniversary.” Cecil announced and to his shock, Carlos descended back into flooding his location. He was really torn up over this and Cecil sadly admitted to himself that he liked a more emotional Carlos sometimes. Although he would prefer tears of joy at a proposal or perhaps the new lab coat he had bought him which still stayed secretly tucked up in the back of their wardrobe. A Karl Lagerfield number.

“When did you think it was?” Cecil asked after Carlos had once again calmed down, hopefully for the last time that night.

“I just heard your show about the painting. The one that got destroyed. You said you weren’t okay and I couldn’t hide it from you anymore. I know I had to hurt you but I couldn’t bear for you to break yourself by holding onto some unjustified hope caused by my lying.” Carlos confessed. 

He could see Cecil clearly now, laying on the sofa with the gaudy blanket over his legs, chewing his thumb with a hint of a smile contrasting against his stained cheeks. He was blushing and Carlos didn’t understand why.

“Why’re you blushing?” Carlos demanded and then clasped his mouth. Cecil didn’t know about the paintings.

“Wha-how do you know?” Cecil flinched back and started surveying the room, gripping onto his phone tighter. He was smart, Carlos had to give him that. Then again, Night Vale, the place for surveillance had been his hometown for his whole life, he probably knew what to expect.

“There’s a lighthouse here. With paintings. I can see you. It’s sort of like a camera watching down on you.”

Cecil looked directly at the ceiling, somehow estimating the exact corner Carlos was looking down from and blew an over exaggerated kiss before winking. Carlos felt the temperature of his face skyrocket. He wanted to do the same back, badly, but Cecil couldn’t see him and he would only look like a fool.

“I’m going to walk around naked now, just to annoy you.”

“Please don’t.”

Cecil continued teasing his boyfriend and for the first time in months they were both laughing and giggling with each other. As the laughter dispelled after a while of idle chatter and joking, Carlos felt the air get heavier as he watched Cecil sit forward again as if it were his signal to say something serious. He looked straight on which was better for Carlos, direct eye contact would make him want to run home into his arms a hundred times more.

“Listen. I am an optimistic person but I am not an unrealistic one. However, I believe that you will find a way home. Honestly and truly. I don’t know why it considered you an outsider but you are not. This is your home. You have a home here, in this apartment, next to me. Perhaps in the future the home will change but while you are beside me, no matter where we are, it is home. You said it yourself, home is just a group of familiar items brought together by a mutual emotional attachment. This is your home, and while you are not here, the phone is your home, as well as those paintings. The phone is my home too, because it brings me to you.”

“Cecil…”

“I also believe that I will love you, forever. No matter what. Even if the horrible time does come when we both move on, I will still love you. You’re in my heart for good, respect that!” Cecil laughed and tried to turn the situation into a laughing matter but by the touching sigh Carlos emitted, he knew that he didn’t feel the same.

“I love you.” Carlos mumbled in a small voice and he could see Cecil reaching out as if to touch him.

“I love you too. Now go and get some rest, go and calm down and give us both time to digest this information. Also be a little more optimistic. Everything is fine, I mean it. Good night, Carlos. Good night.” Cecil whispered and he hung up.

Carlos watched Cecil gaze at the wall for a few minutes, wipe his eyes and then stand up. He bundled the blanket up and took his shirt off as if he were getting for bed. Carlos took that as his cue to leave and walked down the stairs to the door of the lighthouse. The sound of his foot on metal was lighter as if he was bouncing on air. He felt it, after Cecil’s words. Even if it was all a lie, he wanted to believe that one day they would touch each other again. Cecil was applying for vacation time, right? He would be able to pass through the two worlds, right? 

As he came to the door, he found not a metal one, but an oak door and probably an old one. Carlos cursed this tantalising desert for teasing him and threw the door open, storming through it. Was it the desert or his brain? He hated them all. He continued walking into a strange, unfamiliar darkness for a few short seconds before seemingly blacking out.

Carlos woke slumped against the wall. It was night and the room was barely lit apart from a lamp on the wall. He stood up and dusted his jeans off to find that he instantly recognised the place. It was his and Cecil’s porch. His winter coat – not that it was ever used – was hung up next to the wire frames of an electrocuted umbrella. He fished around for his phone and found that it was completely dead.

He excitedly hammered on the door in front of him and pressed his ear up against it, wanting to hear the voice that he longed for even though he had only heard it mere minutes ago. Even though he expected it, he was still surprised to hear it.

“Calm down, calm down, I’m on my way, I’m on my way.” A tired Cecil mumbled as he walked to the door of their apartment. Carlos just had enough time to attempt to straighten out his hair and brush all of the dust off his clothes.

The door opened and the two of them made eye contact for the first time in over a year. Cecil had gone to bed to escape the watchful gaze of Carlos and let his emotions out, the evidence was still on his face. Carlos had a mixture of excitement, hesitation and absolute sadness plastered onto his expression. This eye contact continued for about twenty seconds before Carlos unexpectedly launched himself at Cecil. Most would assume that Cecil would have done that and that it would have been out of character for Carlos. Cecil sort of expected it after the phone call they had just shared.

He was sent back across the carpet, leaving enough carpet burns on his back to cause him to wince slightly. They would need a couple of weeks to go down, at least. Carlos’ arms were wrapped tightly around him and Cecil couldn’t help but grin. He reciprocated the gesture and pressed his head into Carlos’ shoulder.

“Happy Anniversary.” They both said in unison.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, this was written within two hours while under the haze of the flu and a ton of medicine, so may have mistakes.
> 
> (I promise I'll update the scientist soon I promise)


End file.
